Mrs. Smith Musings - Achieving Emotional Balance

Your day is bonkers. You have people emailing you, IMing you, then showing up at your desk a few minutes later. Everyone wants something and no one is willing to wait for it. To top it all off, the main system you use to process requests has a new update that renders it slower than Glacier Park. You’re about at your limit for frustrations and it’s only 10:36am.

This is the challenge I’ve been facing the last few weeks. I feel increasingly frustrated and in part my reactions to outside forces have compounded the sensation. By reacting instead of centering myself, I've emotionally derailed my goals multiple times over the past month.

Instances of sabotage include:

1. Allowing myself to be upset by coworkers, to lash out and then look foolish.
1. This is a double-edged issue as this impacts my credibility and can derail future promotions.
2. My reaction is soothing myself with food or “decompression TV sessions”
1. This is harmful to Goal #1.
2. Expounding myself as a failure and challenging my own self-worth with feelings of doubt
1. My reaction is soothing myself with food or “decompression TV sessions”
1. This is harmful to Goal #2.
3. Convincing myself that I am tired, that I am exhausted, that I am overworked, that I am miserable
1. My reaction is soothing myself with food or “decompression TV sessions”
1. This is harmful to all of my goals, since it means I’ve persuaded myself I don’t have the energy to get off the couch.

I am convinced that if I approach my day from a place of calm, of stress-free deliberation, a place where I am centered and believe beyond a doubt that I can do anything I put my mind to, I can stop sabotaging myself and actually achieve my goals.

My solutions to try in the next 30 days:

Centering

Hit pause. Take a breath and picture something calm (in my mind it’s a steady rock, or a ripple-free lake). Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, repeating for 10 full, deep breaths.

You are the rock. They cannot disturb your place. You are going to breathe through this and take a moment to think through the issue before you respond.

You can also use Centering to picture your goals - as a means of refocusing yourself before a particularly difficult task (for me that would be submitting proposals). I have a feeling I will also use it to combat my sugar cravings.

Change Places

Now that you are thinking clearly, we are going to approach the issue from the other perspective. This can work two ways.

1. If you are reacting to an outside force, calmly, imagine what the other person is going through. What is their end goal? What is motivating them at the moment? Is it a deadline? Fear? Ask them questions, if you need, to gauge why this needs to happen right this moment, so that you can understand, kindly and calmly, where they are coming from. Face to face is usually best for this.

2. If you are reacting to an inside force, calmly, write down what you are feeling. Why are you feeling this way? Keep asking yourself why until you get to the root cause of the issue (the 5 Whys).

Check the Impact

Chances are, you’ve done this before and know how this will turn out. If you haven’t, or it didn’t turn out well last time, take a moment to think through the consequences of your next step.

If you are about to lash out (at family, coworker, friends), what will that do to how people perceive you? Is this how you want them to view you?

Think from a place of peace instead of power. Don’t form your response with the intent of establishing your authority or putting someone in their place. Respond to resolve the conflict instead. This means rising above pettiness and really asking yourself how you can help this person.