Journal: Trying to stay focused

ZTD Tasks for today

• Do a "Yes" test on the copy I wrote last night - DONE
• Polish and send home page copy for my new client - DONE (he loved it!)
• Eat Real Clean
• 1 Mile Walk

Went to bed early last night - in bed around 8:30 and wrote in my journal until about 9:30. Alarm went off at 6:00 and slowly woke and was out of bed by 6:08.

Today is going pretty well - had a smoothie with coconut oil, coconut water, protein powder, pineapple, spinach, and berries for breakfast. Plus coffee and cream. I have leftover Italian Wedding Soup from last night for lunch and we'll hit up Koi Fusion tonight for dinner since it's Aaron's late class night. I'll have a rice bowl with grass-fed short ribs, extra veggies and kimchi. A little heavy for my current exercise level, starch-wise, but otherwise good. Maybe I should see if they can just do a veggie bowl with meat.

I took Lav for a short walk this morning - about a third of a mile. We will be walking her more now that she will be cooped up in her kennel for 2 days out of the week.

We have lots and lots of kale growing in our backyard. I'm looking up how to can and freeze the kale, since it would be a shame for such a nutrient-dense veggie to go to waste.

11:30 and I haven't had any hunger pains yet - likely thanks to the coconut oil! Though I have a touch of a headache starting.

2pm and decided to have that soup for lunch since the vending machine was starting to tempt me.

3:30pm - Two Justin's pb cups

4:30pm - Starbucks caramel macchiatto courtesy of hubby and Koi Fusion veggie bowl + bulgogi beef + kimchi - yum!

6:00 - worked on copywriting

7:30pm - watched Grey's Anatomy and ate remaining half of the Italian Sub from Monday

2016 Spring/Summer Wardrobe Planning

On Sunday, I switched out my Fall/Winter Closet for my Spring/Summer Closet. I like to focus on different fabric weights, patterns and palettes for each "capsule."

My Spring/Summer Capsule favors flowy, light fabrics, more natural, flowery colors (peach, turquoise, coral, mint, cobalt, kelly green, forest green, cream, white, yellow), and incorporates more prints and florals into the mix. I also like more natural jewelry with this capsule - turqoise beads and gold. I really enjoy Kendra Scott's pieces as an inspiration.

Items on my list:

I probably won't be able to get everything, but as you can see there is definitely a "feel" to this wardrobe that I'm going for - and being able to visually narrow down what I want helps a ton!

Journal: Stress - Time to Fight!

I'm combating some pretty significant stressors at the moment: financial > emotional > physical.

I have a plan in place as I have known, or suspected, Aaron's income could stop completely for a while now. (I had my suspicions in December.) I have a new client with my copy writing side-gig and am in the running for a promotion at work (started that conversation in December in preparation for those financial issues). I should hear back on the latter next Tuesday.

I am fighting. For a while now, probably since mid-February, I was fighting myself instead of FOR myself. Now, I want to fight for my health and combat the stress I have been feeling. I know first-hand how much better I feel when I eat well, get enough sleep, and keep my happy hormones up in DWYLT fashion.

I have a history of taking on too much at once and getting overwhelmed, so I am trying to keep getting back on track as simple as possible. Today went well, food-wise. Breakfast: grass-fed cream top yogurt with fresh strawberries, grassfed beef steak and rice for lunch, Italian Wedding Soup for dinner (made with bison meatballs). I tolerate non-conventional dairy well, but will be leaning away from dairy, rice and potatoes soon as I try to get back to my pre-wedding measurements.

I feel like the last year and a half has been blow after blow of issues and stress. Moving, traveling, new job, income loss, family stress and uncertainty have left me...free falling. 

When my husband and I first talked about the future, it was so clear-cut. Get married. Pay off debt. Start a family. We're stuck in phase 2 and it looks like phase 3 is another 3-4 years down the road as Aaron is going back to school. The end goal is me staying home with kiddos and working part time from home, if needed. I honestly thought I'd be a mom by now and I think I'm really sad about that too.

I'm ready to take a big, deep breath, and start again. To take my time bricking good habits into place. I feel like my internal house has been broken and it's time to rebuild a better, stronger house. One that can handle the stress and responsibility of kids, especially.

Italian Wedding Soup from Meals Made Simple

Week 11 Review

Journal: So Tired of Fighting Myself

Last night I wrote in my journal about how tiring it is to be sick all the time. To be tired and to feel fat. To have no energy and to know that if even getting off the couch is giving me trouble, there is no way that I could leap into action and sprint to save someone.

It will take daily focus, constant focus, to make the changes I want in my life. Both Aaron and I feel this way. We want to fight to be healthy.

Here are our next steps:

1. Recommit to exclusively eating real food.
2. Re-charge our environment so we are not tempted to eat junk.
1. Clear out our cupboards of ANTI Foods
2. Meal Plan and keep our fridge/pantry/freezer stocked with real foods
3. Follow through and stick to the meal plan
1. Dessert and snacking will be the sticking points
4. Journal/Walk/Talk to each other when we are feeling stuck or tempted

Enough is Enough

I am going to focus less on daily posts, all of which feel the same to me, and more on journaling my difficulties, successes and observations. I will still produce a weekly recap of the same type of items I was tracking daily before so I can see my progress.

So here goes.

Yesterday, I had just left the house and was driving to work when I suddenly realized I wasn't feeling well...I apparently had eaten something that didn't agree with me. (Taste-tested coconut milk that I wasn't sure was good anymore.) Lo and behold, I get to work and after about 45 minutes had to leave to go home because I was feeling so poorly.

Coincidentally, I had just been talking with my mom about how I wanted to stop eating junk food. Her response? "Cold turkey, baby. Cold turkey."

Yes. I know. That's exactly what The Rebooted Body calls for. I was successful with that protocol when I originally started the Total Body Reboot in June of 2014. Within two months my sugar cravings were down to nothing and I was starting to get trim just by eliminating processed foods from my diet - and adjusting my personal diet protocol to my own needs by avoiding inflammation. I was able to fit in my wedding dress in November 2014 without doing anything more than following TBR. (Of course I tried the dress on in the months leading up to it to ensure that would be the case. It fit perfectly.)

Sara May Photography -- All the ladies in the combined family 

From there, we had a very stressful year and I didn't handle things very well. Immediately following the wedding came Christmas, and all the holiday treats. Then I got a new job, we had some financial issues related to Aaron getting injured at work, we were planning our honeymoon, we got a dog, we ended up buying a house when our rental agency threatened to jack up the rent by $160/month. In the last year and four months, I've gained 25 pounds. Mostly, I think, by trying to soothe myself with food and "treats" instead of trying to get to the real issue at hand by talking things through with my husband, journaling, and testing for different results.

Back to Basics

Sometimes, when faced with the insanity of doing the same thing and expecting different results, you just have to go back to what works, even if it seems painful. It will be, at least psychologically, I'm sure.

Now, I want to eat real food. I don't want something packed with chemicals and devoid of nutrients. I want to support my immune system instead of demolishing it. I want to be able to look at a full year and not worry if I am going to use up all 5 of my sick days in the first quarter (yep, that's what's happened so far for 2016).

My Number One priority moving forward is to eat real well, meaning real food and lots of it.

Cold turkey, baby. Cold turkey.

Mrs. Smith Musings - Seeing a Goal and Following Through

Recently I read a book series which completely enthralled me. I loved it. I read all 5 books in the span of two weeks (including waiting for the library to have it in).

The series focuses on a woman who can see the future. In it, she sees the death of her galaxy at the hands of a locust-like race of beings who migrate through galaxies and strip it bare of its resources. The thing is, it's 300 years into the future and she has to act now to get people to believe her. So she joins the military and creates a reputation for herself as a leader and precognitive - something solid for people to believe in for later down the road.

She weaves a complex path of small feats, all of which impact the next until her successes grow larger and larger. Every day, she works toward this goal. It drives her. She wakes up each morning, reviews what she needs to do that day to progress her goal, and does it. (Including keeping herself in shape, because she does have to go into combat.)

I wish I had the ability to look forward into my future and say, I need to do X today, because 3 weeks down the road it will impact Y. I need to be able to run quickly, because 2.5 years from now, my toddler will try to go into the road by herself and I have to stop her. I need to have a side-income ready to go and my emergency fund topped off because 4.5 years from now my husband will be laid off, and then I will be laid off and we need to be able to pay our bills. 

While she has the ability to see positive paths, negative paths, and alternate realities that spin from decisions, I don't. I can only say to myself, if you don't stop consuming sugar on a nightly basis (because you deserve it after a hard day), you'll end up 50 lbs heavier and on the verge of Type II Diabetes. It's a lot easier to give into your immediate desires that derail you from your goal, than work through your emotions and stick to your goal.

So how do I act like I know what the future has in store for me? How do I stay true to my goals every day so that 1, 5, or 10 years from now, I can look back and say, "See? Look how far I've come."

For the next month, I'm going to focus on doing 3 things:

1. Achieving Emotional Balance
2. Practicing the habits that are giving me the most grief

3. Visualizing my end goals, roadblocks (how to handle them) and successes (what it will feel like when I overcome the roadblocks)

Mrs. Smith Musings - Achieving Emotional Balance

Your day is bonkers. You have people emailing you, IMing you, then showing up at your desk a few minutes later. Everyone wants something and no one is willing to wait for it. To top it all off, the main system you use to process requests has a new update that renders it slower than Glacier Park. You’re about at your limit for frustrations and it’s only 10:36am.

This is the challenge I’ve been facing the last few weeks. I feel increasingly frustrated and in part my reactions to outside forces have compounded the sensation. By reacting instead of centering myself, I've emotionally derailed my goals multiple times over the past month.

Instances of sabotage include:

1. Allowing myself to be upset by coworkers, to lash out and then look foolish.
1. This is a double-edged issue as this impacts my credibility and can derail future promotions.
2. My reaction is soothing myself with food or “decompression TV sessions”
1. This is harmful to Goal #1.
2. Expounding myself as a failure and challenging my own self-worth with feelings of doubt
1. My reaction is soothing myself with food or “decompression TV sessions”
1. This is harmful to Goal #2.
3. Convincing myself that I am tired, that I am exhausted, that I am overworked, that I am miserable
1. My reaction is soothing myself with food or “decompression TV sessions”
1. This is harmful to all of my goals, since it means I’ve persuaded myself I don’t have the energy to get off the couch.

I am convinced that if I approach my day from a place of calm, of stress-free deliberation, a place where I am centered and believe beyond a doubt that I can do anything I put my mind to, I can stop sabotaging myself and actually achieve my goals.

My solutions to try in the next 30 days:

Centering

Hit pause. Take a breath and picture something calm (in my mind it’s a steady rock, or a ripple-free lake). Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, repeating for 10 full, deep breaths.

You are the rock. They cannot disturb your place. You are going to breathe through this and take a moment to think through the issue before you respond.

You can also use Centering to picture your goals - as a means of refocusing yourself before a particularly difficult task (for me that would be submitting proposals). I have a feeling I will also use it to combat my sugar cravings.

Change Places

Now that you are thinking clearly, we are going to approach the issue from the other perspective. This can work two ways.

1. If you are reacting to an outside force, calmly, imagine what the other person is going through. What is their end goal? What is motivating them at the moment? Is it a deadline? Fear? Ask them questions, if you need, to gauge why this needs to happen right this moment, so that you can understand, kindly and calmly, where they are coming from. Face to face is usually best for this.

2. If you are reacting to an inside force, calmly, write down what you are feeling. Why are you feeling this way? Keep asking yourself why until you get to the root cause of the issue (the 5 Whys).

Check the Impact

Chances are, you’ve done this before and know how this will turn out. If you haven’t, or it didn’t turn out well last time, take a moment to think through the consequences of your next step.

If you are about to lash out (at family, coworker, friends), what will that do to how people perceive you? Is this how you want them to view you?

Think from a place of peace instead of power. Don’t form your response with the intent of establishing your authority or putting someone in their place. Respond to resolve the conflict instead. This means rising above pettiness and really asking yourself how you can help this person.

Mrs. Smith's 12 Mantras

Four Nourishing 

Sleep. 

• I go to bed at the same time and wake at the same time every day. (9:30PM and 5:30AM.)

Eat real food. 

• Everything I eat is for physical nourishment. 
• I regulate my blood sugar - I do not consume sugar, processed foods, breads or deep fried foods. 
• I do not bend to peer pressure. (Out with friends and giving in to fear of missing out.)
• Any sweets I consume come in the form of berries and fruit (remember vegetables > berries > fruit).

DWYLT. 

• I move my body every single day. 
• I walk, lift, press, jump, hike, swim, surf, snowboard, run, sprint, stretch - whatever I feel like doing. 
• I do something each day for a minimum of 15 minutes.

ZTD. 

• Each night, I set a plan for the following day, which I check and follow throughout the day.

3 Guiding

Positively Consistent. 

• I move past obstacles with positivity and a plan of action. 
• I journal for any emotional stumbling blocks. 
• I am unwaveringly consistent in my habits and routines, and am always the same person. 
• I act consistently and move forward with positivity even when feeling vulnerable, depressed, overwhelmed or angry. 
• I do not let my emotions control me. 
• I feel my emotions, record them, think through them, but do not react emotionally.

Clean. 

• I am neat and clean in my living and work spaces. 
• I pick up after myself and return things to their homes.

Presentable. 

• I always put an effort into my appearance and leave the house meeting my vintage-inspired standard for style. 
• I care for my body and face every day with skincare, lotion and dry brushing.

5 Essentials

Focused. 

• I finish what I start.

Proactive. 

• I work every day toward my goals and to improve my skills.

Specific. 

• I work hard each day. 
• I am motivated through routine, self-discipline, deliberate practice, and a need to reach my goals.

Savvy. 

• I do not live outside my means. 
• I do not borrow to pay for today what I can save and purchase tomorrow. 
• I strategically save money for the future in order to provide for my family.

Graceful. 

• I am faithful to my husband, loyal to my friends, loving to my family. 
• I am strong. 
• I am loving. 
• I am generous. 
• I show others that I care for them through my actions. 
• I am not petty, jealous or insincere. 
• I treat everyone with respect. 
• I don't participate in gossip or demean anyone, not even in private. 
• I seek solutions instead of retribution.

Thursday, March 10, 2016 - Day 74 of ZTD

What I Accomplished 3/10/2016

Goal #2 Earn $500/month on the side by March 2016

• Delivered changes to client, which were accepted and the contract ended. I got a good review! The money was released to Upwork and I've elected to be paid once a month, so I'll be at the end of the month. That's great because our heaviest bills are at the beginning of each month and I won't be tempted to spend it on dresses (like this one or this one).

Food Journal 3/10/2016

Breakfast

• Caramel macchiatto from Starbucks

Lunch

• 2 microwave burritos with cheese

Dinner

• 1 microwave burritos with cheese

Observations

• Strangely, or not so strangely, the burritos I had for lunch have congealed into a hard lump in my stomach and now I have a tummy ache.

Fixes

• Re-vamp my profile this weekend and start submitting 10 proposals/week starting Monday.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016 - Day 73 of ZTD

What's New

I didn't take a picture yesterday, so here's an oldie of ChiChi Vroom-vroom.

What I Accomplished 3/9/2016

Goal #1 Dialing In My Food, Sleep and Exercise - Down to 140lbs or 26" by June 2016

• 3-5 minutes warm up
• 5 minutes jump rope
• Zuzka workout Day 2  - 1.5 rounds
• Side jump lunge x 40
• Commando pushups x 24
• push up then alternate popping each knee up to your chest
• Prisoner get ups x 24
• get up from a lay-down position without using your hands - it's harder than it sounds!
• Split jump x 10
• jump straight up and do the splits in mid-air
• straightened legs not required
• Bird dog x 10
• Balance on alternate hand and foot while reaching to opposite walls with free hand and foot. This one is hard!
• Stretch/cool down with foam rolling
• 1 mile walk

Goal #2 Earn $500/month on the side by March 2016

• Delivered rough draft to client.

Goal #3 Pass the PMP certification test by September 2016

• Update - got word that I wouldn't get approval by the time my class starts in April. Time to consider a different class. Probably in October. If I don't get approval by that time, Aaron wants to pay for it ourselves. I am determined to achieve this goal by the end of the year.

Goal #5 Develop a personal appearance system

• Did I tell you guys I'm getting glasses? I had an appointment last week and now I'm just waiting for them to call me to say they're ready. They're super cute!

Goal #6 Continue 2015 goal of Debt Payoff by 2018.

• On hold at the moment as we await Aaron's vocation rehab allowance to kick in. We'll go into the red this month by about $500. Thankfully, we have savings to cover and this month we'll just pay minimums on debt.
• I was notified yesterday that I got a merit increase! (The largest merit increase I've gotten to date. Hard work does pay off.) That will help a little.

Food Journal 3/9/2016

Breakfast

• Smoothie
• blackberries, strawberries, blueberries, spinach, coconut milk, protein powder

Lunch

• 2 microwave burritos with cheese

Dinner

• Tomato soup with a small amount of pepper jack cheese.
• ...Damn pickle chips. before this I hadn't had them since 2/19/2016.

Observations

• I've thought about experimenting with less rigidity regarding food and exercise. Instead of planning out what I'll be doing/eating for each day, just reporting on what happened. Focusing less on guilt and "being bad" is a tenant of The Rebooted Body. Eliminating feelings of guilt when it comes to food and instead being in tune with what your body needs and how to nourish it is the whole point of the program. That means there will be occasional slip ups and you just have to acknowledge, observe, and move forward. The point isn't perfection, but progress.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016 - Day 72 of ZTD

What's New

Oh my goodness, 3 weeks away feels like an eternity! 

So last time I posted I was talking about the sinus infection I had and my mom's visit...well the infection turned into a nasty cold...then I had a reaction to the antibiotics. Yuck.

I missed 3.5 days of work in the last 19 days, so I was not doing very well. But I'm back so, here we go again!

What I Accomplished 3/8/2016

Goal #2 Earn $500/month on the side by March 2016

• Had my first phone interview today and it went very well! The client sent me a contract while we were on the phone, so boom! That's my first real client on Upwork! Tonight I'll produce a rough draft and by Monday we'll have a finished product hammered out and delivered.

Goal #3 Pass the PMP certification test by September 2016

• Now that it's March, my boss and I are following up with the head of the department on this by Friday.

Food Journal 3/8/2016

Breakfast

• Yogurt with honey
• Darjeeling tea with non-homogenized cream

Lunch

• Leftover Thai beef fried rice
• Grapes
• Snap peas and carrots with sugar free dressing

Dinner

• 2 burritos with cheese

Observations

• Today was a really good day, but I want to focus on making at least 15 minutes of exercise a habit so strong it feels wrong not to get up and move. I did a halfassed workout this morning (sit ups x 10, side crunches x 20, plank 30 seconds) and went for a mile walk.